Friday, November 6, 2015

Why im still single

So a good friend has forwarded me an article about why you're still single and Yeah most of the reasons pointed out hits me! No. 4 and sort of No. 6. Im not the type of girl who knows how to flirt or make papansin to guys,because without me doing those they still notice me.  I used to believe that you shouldn't find love coz it will come to you in the most unexpected time,i still do,but when i read about this, it made me realized that i should do my part too plus prayers of course .Ive been waiting and praying for a loooong time for that right and perfect guy to come my way, A 'fairytale' thing which im sure lots of girls can relate to :)

Before you read the post heres my takeaways,reminder for myself and things that ive done wrong.

- Too conscious with how i look when I'm in front of the guy i like, even if im gorgeous i still refused to talk to him face to face becoz i think that he might see something ugly in my face or im bad breath, my hair is not fixed etc Argh!.. Overthinking girl! well i cant do camera 360 to make me perfect and its just now that i realized that physical appearance is not a big thing nowadays its how you converse with him and how you can relate to his stories and joke ( most natural way)that alone can make him interested to you.

-there are times that I tend to isolate myself in a group chats or group dinner because i want him to approach me and that makes me feel special.

-i pretend that i dont care when he's around i dont make him pansin so sometimes he'll do the same thing. Thats the reason why we dont build rapport with each other! And his attention will go to other girls which is not as conscious as i am and will not give him short and non sense replies to hus stories. Lelz

- I think that guys are more attracted to pretty than fun to be with girls and im soooo wrong I should work on how to improve myself! 

- I always think that all guys have crush on me which is why I dont talk to them that much,,i should start to chnge my beliefs when it comes to guys, physical appearance is not always no. 1 its how u get along with them. I


1. Not enough socializing

I don’t mean that overused, wrongly applied word by NGOs and government agencies alike. But socializing as in meeting a lot of people.

Watching rom-com or Korean soap opera for the umpteenth times won’t get you a date. So go out there to meet people and don’t limit yourself. Be friends with everyone, not just guys but women, straight, gays. It will sharpen your social skill and they may have somebody who they think will suit you. I met my husband, for example, through a mutual gay friend. (READ: Should you hook up with tourists or fellow travelers?)

2. Being picky

I’m not saying you should just go ahead and try to be with those men you considered douchebags. But I’ve seen how my girl friends are easily put off by minor flaws, like not being tall enough, or being a civil servant, or having a thick Javanese accent and so on.

Sure, appearance matters but who knows, behind that ugly civil servant safari lies a good heart and a great sense of humor. And you’d soon forget the short stature (or the thick accent) once he delivers intelligent lines that shows what a brilliant mind he has.

Sometimes perceiving ourselves too, and unrealistically, highly sabotages our chances at finding love. I have a girl friend who said about a potential suitor, “He’s fine and all, but he’s already 45 years old.” To this I said, “Girl, we ain’t 25 either. Maybe if I were a dude, I’d go all Johnny Depp and date a 20 something.”

Also, finding a date is not that different from marketing ourselves. Not all of us look like Kendall Jenner, so know your niche, find your market, or branch out to a wider audience.

3. Coming on too strong

You’re not afraid to make the first move, good for you! Girl power and all that! But maybe you come across as coming on too strong and exude desperation, like having a sign that says “I want to get married soon” on your forehead (clingy alert!).

You’d be put off by a guy acting like that; it’s no different with men. (READ: Heat of the moment and no condom? What to do)

4. Focusing too much on your physical appearance

I’ve learned that guys are not that different from girls in the sense that while physical appearance matters, they also look for interesting people with character. I’ve seen how women go on a tough diet, freak out when a tiny pimple pops up on their face, and make sure they maintain their fair skin but they forget to improve their character.

Comedian Mark Normand was spot on in one of his stage acts: "I wish women were more insecure about their conversational skills (than their bodies)." I cannot agree more.

Read more books, be resourceful and knowledgeable, because in the end, after the physical attraction and the sex fade, it’s the conversation that keeps a relationship going.


5. ...Look nice

It doesn’t mean that you can abandon physical appearance. At least look presentable. You don’t like seeing sloppy, dirty looking guys either, do you?

6. You’re a bitch

Again, men are not that different from us.

As we look for kindness, positivity and all those virtues in other human beings, including our potential spouse, so do men. Unless you’re Kate Upton, or Sophia Latjuba, I don’t think people, guys included, would put up with you if you’re bitchy, loud or annoying.

7. Last but not least, maybe it’s simply just not the time yet.

And it should not really be a problem. I blame it on romantic comedies for depicting singlehood as horrible and pathetic. It’s not bad being single, really.

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